Secret No. 1

And they say they can’t understand me. They say they can’t tell if I was being real. They say they get confused. Sometimes I’m dead serious. Sometimes I’m quiet and bored. Sometimes I’m very formal and stern. And sometimes I’m just the exact opposite of everything I do and it makes them crazy. 

The truth is, all the serious look and formal talk is just a big cover-up just to maintain the teacher’s reputation. Sucks, right? I guess we can’t get away with standards. 

But, you know, I kinda miss my crazy, kiddo side. I miss being happy, those times when you actually don’t mind what people think and say, when you just do what you love and say what you think … just being pretty reckless and tactless.

Random Thoughts With Heavy Feels

One time I said, “Lord, I want to do things I have never done before.”

And if you think this is just something you can write in a bucket list and fulfill them any time, well it’s not.

I thought of pursuing things that has nothing to do with teaching. I mean, at least for a while, can I just explore life and see what can I do? 

I want to test myself. I want to see how far I can push myself. Yes, perhaps, this has something to do with having the will of not to become “complacent” which I already am. Or perhaps, this has something to do with not wanting to settle for something routinary which I’m sure leads to unstable life.

And then I wonder what would I get if I do follow my heart? Will I get fulfillment? Satisfaction? Contentment? Or will I be lost? Or am I already close to getting lost?

Hah! As if I never knew the truth. This world could give you fulfillment but it can never give you satisfaction.

However, what am I supposed to do with what I really want? What does God want anyway?

My Church

There is one great reason why, six years ago, I agreed to step in this place. It was my season to be captured, the season to get saved.

And I am ever thankful that God has been pursuing me even up to this time.

My church is more than a place of prayer and worship. It is my home! 🙂

Just Another Sad Meditation

This just got me thinking.

Why do I feel irritated with sweet people?

Well, sometimes I just think that they’re not really sincere and they’re just trying to show off and get people’s attention. Or sometimes I think it’s because I don’t know how to respond to it and I am just their exact opposite.

But lately noticed that I have been very unkind and impolite. 

It’s frustrating. I just get mad so easily.

Ever had that feeling when you just want to disappear and go somewhere in a place where nobody knows you.

Aagh! I’m having this mood swings again.

Sad day.

12-25-16

Quality Time

This afternoon we played football with some of my churchmates. I invited my tutee, Reno, with his brothers, Gesu and Polo, because I know that playing in the field is their favorite past time. Since their parents couldn’t find time to take them out, I took the initiative to invite them instead.

Though sometimes Reno hesitated to kick or run because he was a bit insecure and he always thought that he was never good, in the end, with some encouragement and motivation, he had a run and had so much.

While I was watching him enjoying the time, I thought that I would do this again with my future kiddos. 

When Dating Does Not Work

*This one is an assignment in my ‘English Grammar and Structure’ subject. I just thought of posting it here. 😀

 

DEAR JANE:

I have been dating for many years now. I have dated all sorts of men but none of them could actually sweep me off my feet. Those guys that I had gone out with are either too short or too tall for me; sometimes they are boring or annoying, weird or creepy, too smart or too dumb – they simply do not complement me. None of them suits my taste perfectly and I just could not imagine myself end up with any of them. Am I too meticulous, or what?

By the way, I am already thirty years old and I have been single for five years. My goal is to get married before I turn thirty but I guess I have to forget about it. Darn it! But with all these dating fiasco, I am losing hopes of finding my right one. Can you tell me something that would inspire me?

MISS DONE-WITH-DATING

DEAR MISS DONE-WITH-DATING:

I understand the vexation that you might be going through now with all the dating botches you had and the pressure of not getting any younger. In your letter, you wondered if you were too meticulous. Well, we all have our standards in love. It is just right for a woman to set a checklist for our “right one”, and just because none of those men you dated met your standard does not mean you have to lower them down.

However, here is my take in dating. I am not a fan of it. Or shall we say I dissuade dating. When we date, our focus stays on how the person dress, walk, talk or think and how we vibe with our date. On the other hand, it is inevitable to put on a façade to impress our date which might compromise our genuine self. We place expectations, and when these expectations fail, it seems easy for us to walk away and look for another date.

In dating, we tend to miss one important foundation of love – genuine friendship. Yes, friendship! Why not go out and build a good friendship with people. Who knows? It could lead you to something better.

Love is everywhere but true love is rare. Not all have it and only few find it. Perhaps, you were searching for love at the wrong place in the wrong way with the wrong people. However, I suggest that you stop looking for love and let love find you. It will come to you at the right season, at the time when you least expect it. Just wait and stay patient. Remember, love is patient and true love really waits.

JANE

The Woman She Ought To Be

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Twenty-Four Revelation

She hates her things being touched without permission and feels disrespected when her privacy is trespassed. She gets so easily frustrated with stuff and her emotions juggle ’til it becomes an explosion. She’s very impulsive and tactless. She says things that hurt so much and doesn’t feel regretful, not at all, although she doesn’t mean those words. Sometimes she can very masochistic and sadistic that pain and hurting others satisfy her. She ain’t so smart, ya know, but she can be very arrogant of something she doesn’t have. She’s too superior. She is so manipulative that she gets mad when things don’t go her way. Sometimes she’s indecisive, demanding and careless.

She’s one hard person to handle, very unloving and so unlovable.

However, behind these ugly features is an inferior woman who thinks that whatever she does is never enough. When she looks in the  mirror, all she see is failure. She has so many insecurities, confusions and fears.

But all she ever hope for is to be loved without condition.

Yet the person that she think she is and the person that people see is far from what God designed her to be … far from what God sees.

For God, she is a woman of virtue: patient, loving, gentle and kind. Her heart is as tender as His, filled with loving kindness and patience to those who have wronged her. Her tongue is tamed that only life shall come out of her mouth. To Him she is a woman filled with power and anointing of the Holy Spirit.

For God, she is an obedient child who yields her heart unto Him. He finds her faithful in serving and worshiping Him. He could not find a single fear in her as she ministers the lost and the broken.

God takes delight in her as she continues to pursue the heart of her Maker.

She is no perfect being. But God is not finished with her yet. The truth is she is being perfected from glory to glory until she becomes the woman she ought to be.

🙂