Thoughts of Depression


Sometimes the world seem so big that it makes me feel so small, that hiding from giants is like hiding in a roofless house.
Sometimes it becomes too small that I feel like I just don’t fit in, that running away is like running in circles. 

Sometimes it’s suffocating … and I feel dying, and in the middle of the battle, I’m unsure whether I want to survive or see the light.
I look to people.
And the people smile, joke and laugh but it makes me feel bluer than blue, sadder than sad … the feeling is just complicated.
And the thoughts start to haunt me, words come like an avalanche, lies echo like they are true. They tell me I’m nothing, worthless, least among the least, never the best, unliked, hated, unimportant, unloved … and all the words that make me want to end life.
But in the middle of my own chaos, I seek that Voice, that one glimpse of hope. 

And yes I found Him. I always find Him when I seek Him. He shut my ears from the voice of the world that offer nothing but lies and whispered love. All I needed was that breath of life to rescue me from my own battle.
And that night I realize one thing, letting go isn’t just about giving up an unrequited love but it could also mean letting go of your own beast. 

And I let it go. I emptied my heart so it could be filled again, be filled with His pure love, comfort and peace. 

And so tonight I choose light over darkness, life over death, joy over pain and love over disappointments. I choose Jesus among all other things!

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