Random Thoughts With Heavy Feels

One time I said, “Lord, I want to do things I have never done before.”

And if you think this is just something you can write in a bucket list and fulfill them any time, well it’s not.

I thought of pursuing things that has nothing to do with teaching. I mean, at least for a while, can I just explore life and see what can I do? 

I want to test myself. I want to see how far I can push myself. Yes, perhaps, this has something to do with having the will of not to become “complacent” which I already am. Or perhaps, this has something to do with not wanting to settle for something routinary which I’m sure leads to unstable life.

And then I wonder what would I get if I do follow my heart? Will I get fulfillment? Satisfaction? Contentment? Or will I be lost? Or am I already close to getting lost?

Hah! As if I never knew the truth. This world could give you fulfillment but it can never give you satisfaction.

However, what am I supposed to do with what I really want? What does God want anyway?

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