Relentless

It started as a thought. Then it turned into an imagination. A dirty imagination. I was aware of these thoughts and where it is leading. I knew I shouldn’t have thought of it but it seemed like I couldn’t stop my mind. Or maybe — I didn’t want to seize it. I loved the thought. I love the feeling it’s giving me. And … there seemed to be no guilt in me.

Then like a movie, it ended. I ended it. I ended it only when I was already satisfied.

And soon sin crept in. No, it was already creeping the moment I opened the door for it.

The weigh of that sin was so heavy and dark that it depressed my heart. I felt guilt and condemnation that I cannot contain; worthlessness in the sight of the Master.

Then, He reminded me of that song …

Your grace, Your grace, will always be greater than my sin. It carries no limitation, the promise of Your grace.

“God, I can’t! This is too much. How could You!” I whispered. “But where can I run to sanctify myself but into Your arms.”

But the battle is not finished.

Another thought came in. At first it seemed harmless. Then anger came. Bitterness followed. And then evil overwhelmed me. There were words and threats that I wanted to say, consequences that I didn’t mind and choices that were not according to Your will. I lost my soul there.

Then, He sang again …

Your love, Your love, it takes me just as I am. It melts all of my defenses, the wonders of Your love.

And so I screamed, “God! Come! Rescue me!”

You, God, are relentless with forgiveness. How it covers me! Your grace is sufficient, and its mission is to cover me.

Your love covered me.

You showered Your grace that I may be redeemed and found blameless.

This is unmerited favor.

And You love me, Lord relentlessly. Your love has captured me.

Meltdown.

 

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