On June 19, 2013, around 7:00 AM, I was yet on my bed staring at the ceiling, trying to meditate but ended up juggled with my thoughts. I remember how my heart was like. In that moment, I felt so frustrated because I was unemployed. I felt terribly useless. “Salot sa lipunan”, ika nga.
It was my bad though because I didn’t do anything to get employed. I didn’t apply for a teaching position at any of those hiring schools.
I have my reasons.
One of those, I must say, pathetic reasons was not being ready. But looking back, I’m convinced that it wasn’t really the reason. I was simply afraid of interviews (oh yes, the most pathetic reason). I was driven by my insecurities. I had these thoughts that I won’t get the job because I was not just good enough.
As I continued to contemplate that morning, I just realized that I don’t wanna teach elementary. I felt lazy (hahaha). I know right there, my heart was wrong.
So that morning, I talked with the Lord. I prayed. I asked Him to make my heart right.
I suddenly had an intense desire to teach the high school.
I was like “What!? Seriously?”
But then I realized I already had that desire during my fourth year in college. I guess my motivation for finishing my course was the thought that it was the last year and I’m graduating.
That desire troubled me. How am I suppose to teach high school when I should be teaching elementary?
I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
At 9:00 AM, a friend called me.
When I answered her, I could sense the desperation in her voice.
She was asking (or maybe it was begging hahaha) to take her place as a classroom adviser and a History teacher in a private high school in which she was newly hired. She needed to leave for an item in a public school, a position she waited for a very long time.
But she can’t leave unless she finds a replacement. And she’s running out of time.
She told me I was her last option (maybe) or someone she thought would grab the chance since my friends told her I wanted to teach high school.
I was hesitant. Very hesitant.
I told her I’d think about it but she won’t let me slip away; she wouldn’t even give me time to pray for it (hahaha).
She was demanding.
I felt excited and nervous at the same time.
She said she’d take care of everything, my application letter and my resume. She would even escort me right inside the office. It was a moment as if I didn’t have a choice but to go and grab it.
Long story short, I got the work and taught History … all levels.
The job was never easy. I mean, the whole thing was scaaary!
I kept asking God. “Kaya ko ba talaga ‘to, Lord?”
History is not my major. I’m not an expert (though it’s my favorite subject). And, come on, IT’S HIGH SCHOOL!
I asked for it but I never really imagined how everything is going to be like. I imagined the scenario just like in the movies where teenagers are unruly and challenging.
Many times I asked the Lord, “Is this Your will”?
In the end, I was convinced that it was. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be there in the first place. I was unqualified for the job, but He got me accepted. I know He planned it. I didn’t even have to go through an interview (which He knows I was afraid of for the meantime).
I was still afraid though. I didn’t know anything about History. I didn’t know how to handle teenagers. I didn’t have strategies in store. All I know is sing nursery rhymes.
Now, here is what we need to ponder here. When God calls you to do anything, He doesn’t wait for you to be ready. Nobody is ever ready. Life can be very spontaneous. What He needs is someone available, someone willing to do what He had already planned out. The mission is prepared, done, and hand-eyed. But God is looking for a heart that is willing and obedient.
And of course, if it is His will, His plan, His idea, He provides everything you need for that mission. He gives the ability, the strength, the wisdom, the provision and all.
A question popped out in my mind, asking God again. “Why not use somebody who already had the skills and ability to execute your plan? The job could have been much easier.”
Sometimes He does use people who had the skills and abilities. But God wants His people to rely on what HE can do, not in what we can do. God wants His glory to be displayed. He wanted His followers to rely on Him and trust Him alone, as the scripture says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Isn’t that how He selects his servant? He makes the unqualified, qualified.
When you pursue God’s calling, you have to overlook yourself and keep your eyes focus on Jesus.
He made His plans clear to me; revealed in my heart what I was about to do in that place. It was a big thing which I was determined to do — win souls.
I was afraid of sharing the gospel. There were fears of rejection and persecution.
But you eventually eliminate those fears when you overlook yourself and when you totally understood the purpose of this pursuit. God’s grace empowers His servants. His scriptures said that we need not to be afraid of what to speak because the words itself will flow as the Holy Spirit leads.
Again, God provides. He gives you the utterance.
My friend, I encourage you to take a leap of faith, break your walls, face your fears, and answer God’s call.
If He’s calling you then, just say YES and trust Him.
Pursue Him. Pursue the call.